With hundreds of self-help books published and research conducted on happiness, it is undeniably one common life goal for us human beings. While there are several means and ways to be happy, those considered as sustainable are the ones that take into account one's well-being as well as that of others. Here are three things that lead to sustainable happiness. 1) Close, supportive relationships No man is an island. People in general have a deep need to belong, which is satisfied by close, supportive relationships. Those supported by intimate friendships or committed relationships are much more likely to declare themselves very happy. You need to go out and make an effort to meet with friends and family and see people. 2) Positive thinking habits and mindfulness Optimism, self-esteem, perceived control, and extraversion also mark happy experiences and happy lives. This means valuing yourself and keeping the mindset that you have control over the events the happen in your life than simply relying on fate and serendipity. Practicing gratitude and appreciation leads to positive emotions and better well-being. Develop the habit of feeding your senses and savouring good things right at the moment - may it be the taste of a fresh fruit or chocolate cake you are eating, that beautiful view of the sunset, the laughter of friends or family in the middle of dinner, the smell of your morning coffee, or the warmth of your parents' hug. 3) Flow No, this is not a girl's monthly visit. A term coined by Psychologist Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi who is an expert on happiness and creativity, it is the optimal state when we lose consciousness of self and time while being absorbed in an activity. Research has proven that work and leisure experiences that engage one’s skills mark happy lives. Between burnout or the anxiety of being overwhelmed and stressed and boredom which is the apathy of being underwhelmed and bored lies a zone wherein people experience flow. A challenging yet attractive task is more satisfying than an easy but uninteresting job. Studies show that people report greatest enjoyment not when mindlessly passive but when unself-consciously absorbed in a mindful challenge. In fact, the less expensive (and generally more involving) a leisure activity, the happier people are while doing it. More people reported happier talking to friends than watching TV. Low-consumption recreations prove more satisfying. Choose activities that do not cost a fortune but keeps you engaged. So, that’s good news. Those things that make for a genuinely good life - close relationships and social networks, positive thinking habits, engaging activity – are enduringly sustainable. The best things in life are free.
0 Comments
Stress is inevitable and most of us have to deal with on a daily basis. From those long queues to ride the MRT, unexpected floods, heavy traffic in EDSA, being cheated on by a partner, tight work deadlines, or even, not being able to find a job or a significant other - the list just goes on and on. While some of these are real stressors, others depend on how we perceive it. Our bodies get alerted for stress when we believe that a circumstance as threatening to our well-being, which makes stress a state of mind. We get stressed when we interpret something as harmful to us and when we think that we do not have the capability to deal with it. While traffic in Metro Manila is arduous, the negativity in terms of your love life may be a matter of perception. Stress isn't always bad: we actually need an optimum amount of it to function well. Many students are aware that experiencing a little anxiety or stress is helpful to them because it motivates them to study. Without eustress, we may not study hard or not at all, ending up failing a quiz or even the course. It is this kind of stress that gives us that little push that we need to accomplish a boring task, or in other instances, to save ourselves in life-threatening situations (e.g., even wonder how some people suddenly can carry a whole bed or refrigerator while escaping from fire?). A certain level of stress, or arousal, is necessary to be content in life and be of good health and well-being. On the other hand, there's this unpleasant stress (distress) that we should learn to manage, either through problem-focused coping or emotion-focused coping. Problem-focused coping deals with stress by eliminating its source and targeting to solve the problem: the absolute way to combat stress. If one is stressed because of relationship worries, he or she will certainly feel better once these issues are proactively resolved. In some cases, the only way to remove the problem is to end it with a break-up. When a flying cockroach "attacks" you, a way to deal with it is to grab a slipper or spray and kill it. Unfortunately, we cannot win every battle and solve each difficulty, such as the death of a loved one, a terminal illness diagnosis, an unexpected natural catastrophe or other things beyond our control. This is when we resort to emotion-focused coping, wherein we reduce our negative emotional responses to stress, such as anger, anxiety, depression, or frustration. With the cockroach example, perhaps you really cannot kill it, but another way to deal with it is to keep calm and control yourself from screaming and crying as it approaches you. It is important to find constructive ways to control our emotions. Some positive ways include meditation, mindfulness, emotional disclosure and journaling. Talk to a friend (note: sometimes what you need is someone who will listen to you but not necessarily give an advice) or a psychologist, start writing a journal, and reflect on why certain things put you on stress and how you handle them. Distraction can be good or bad to keep your mind away from the stressor - of course depending on the type of diversion you choose. Avoid destructive coping mechanisms such as binge eating of your comfort food, excessive drinking of alcohol, using drugs or chain smoking. While one of these may be your favorite recourse, it puts your body in greater stress which just worsens the situation. An emotion-focused coping style that Filipinos tend to use is praying for guidance and strength, such as during natural calamities. Another popular coping mechanism of Filipinos is the use of humor. Stress is a state of mind and we can change our thinking styles to lessen the stress that we experience in our lives. People who make an effort to be more optimistic instead of seeing things as problems are less stressed. A person who sees unfavorable events that happen in his life as a challenge rather than a threat is at a better condition to address it head on. Below are some videos on stress that I find very informative and useful. The TED Talk discusses how the way we think of stress affects our body's reaction to stress. The second one suggests specific thinking styles that we can adapt when we are stressed. 90:10 The Single Most Important Thing You Can Do For Your Stress This video outlines specific ways how we can change out thinking styles when dealing with stressors and how that leads to experiencing less stress. We all know that engaging in physical exercise is good for the health, body and mind. Despite that, some find it hard to actually include it in their daily routine given a busy lifestyle. Thanks to science, researchers have come up with the scientific "seven-minute workout." I first found out about this in May 2013 from an article published by the The New York Times. Now you may be asking how can exercising for a very short period of time be relevant. It is simple: it consists of "12 exercises deploying only body weight, a chair and a wall but fulfills the latest mandates for high-intensity effort. It essentially combines a long run and a visit to the weight room into about seven minutes of steady discomfort — all of it based on science." Sequence and timing are important elements of the routine. "The exercises should be performed in rapid succession, allowing 30 seconds for each [with a 10-second rest between exercises]. Though it may sound easy, the intensity is at about an 8 on a discomfort scale of 1 to 10, Chris Jordan, director of exercise physiology at the Human Performance Institute in Orland, says. "Those seven minutes should be, in a word, unpleasant." And it is. (Note: For some who have health conditions, this may not be the best workout for you.) "There’s very good evidence that high-intensity interval training provides many of the fitness benefits of prolonged endurance training but in much less time." There are several videos in YouTube on the seven-minute workout that you can play and follow while doing the exercise. There are also downloadable "seven-minute workout" applications for smart phones. Some say though that one round is not enough exercise, so it is better to do repetitive rounds. Sometimes I repeat the routine two to three times and combine it with other physical exercises (e.g., Zumba, weights, running and other cardio exercises). I also find it useful to wake me up in the morning and sweat before hitting the shower.
If you find it too easy and want to progress, try to make variations using the advanced seven-minute workout: "a more technically demanding regimen that requires a couple of dumbbells but still takes only seven minutes." Enjoy! Whether you have too little or so much free time, answering the question of where your time goes is always relevant to being productive. As we all know, time is a limited resource: we can always earn money, but we cannot bring back time. "Work Smarter, Not Harder: Time Management for Personal & Professional Productivity" is a free course in Coursera offered by the University of California, Irvine. It provides these smart time management steps that yield better day-to-day productivity. I personally find it effective not only for time management but also for achieving work-life balance. 1. Always create a work plan. Having a work plan gives you a direction for the day, week or month. One technique is to put similar things together. For example, on a weekend, you can chunk all the things you have to do outside the house and finish it all in one trip than going back and forth, which causes more interruptions and uses more time. Having a plan does not mean a lack of flexibility. You are free to make changes and having the original plan at hand makes it easier to make modify it when you have to. 2. Define work-life balance. Work-life balance means having an equilibrium between one's work and personal life, or simply, being able to devote ample time for each one. But what does that exactly mean? How much time is enough for each? It is only you who can answer that. You need to come up with your own definition of work-life balance. You can be spending 12 hours at the office thrice a week and that makes you feel fulfilled and happy as long as you are able to run in the treadmill at least 30 minutes per day. Or maybe, you prefer working strictly only from 8AM to 5PM, and have the rest of your time for yourself. 3. Track your time use. Some people wake up early, do a whole bunch of things and end up really tired by the end of the day but did not actually get to accomplish tasks that matter. Time tracking allows you to reflect what is actually done through the day. Try to make a list of categories of tasks (e.g., household chores, studying, answering emails, reading the news, chatting, etc.) and classify what you did, let's say, in each hour. Maybe you spend too much time browsing through Facebook or Instagram and do not realize that it is getting beyond your intended momentary distraction. 4. Know your Reserve Time. This is time left after you handle normal responsibilities. Find out how much time you need to devote to activities that you regularly have to do, and see if what is left meets what you need to satisfy your definition of work-life balance. After sleeping, eating, traveling for work, being at work, etc., do you have time for other things you want to do, especially non-negotiable items? These can be going to the gym, socials, doing volunteer work or committing quality time with your kids or even your pets. 5. Set priorities. If in the end, you do not have enough time for all of the things you want to do, then you have to start prioritizing. Choose the activities you want to devote more time on. You can find ways to simplify some of your work processes with the use of apps and other services to shorten the time it takes to do them or eliminate them from your list. Perhaps you have to give up some work that you can actually assign to others. For example, instead of spending hours washing your clothes or car, you can send it to the laundry shop and go for a car wash and use the time instead to start learning that new hobby you've been wanting to try. Or, if you prefer to save money and do physical exercise at the same time, then doing these chores yourself is the way to go. 6. Estimate. Learn to estimate how much time exactly you need in accomplishing the tasks you have to do. You need this to make realistic work plans and deadlines. You might put a lot of things in your to-do list for the day and fail to accomplish some tasks because you did not estimate well the time you need to finish each one. Estimating leads to having plans that are more feasible to execute. 7. Focusing on one task versus multitasking. Doing one task continuously lessens switching cost, i.e., the time you lose from shifting from one task to another. While you may feel that you are accomplishing more by multitasking, studies show that focusing on one task at a time more often leads to finishing tasks. and is therefore the suggested method to tick off more things on one's to-do list. If you have to leave a task, make some notes on top of it, like details on where you are when you stopped. This lessens the switching cost once you go back to work on it again. 8. Consider the impact of the time of day on productivity. People can vary when it comes to their productive hours: some prefer to do more mentally-challenging tasks in the morning when they feel more energized and reserve routinary tasks in the afternoon. or vice-versa. Observe when you are best in doing certain types of activities and if possible, consider it when you make your work schedule. 9. Practice Working Smart tips with clear priorities.
Begin applying these smart steps by selecting one to three changes. Create a goal and make sure it is measurable. Check how you are doing and reward yourself for accomplishing each one. How do you define work-life balance and manage your time to be productive? Leave a note below and share you have other thoughts and ideas. :-) In your life, you'll make note of a lot of people. Ones with whom you shared something special, ones who will always mean something. There's the one you first kissed, the one you first loved, the one you lost your virginity to, the one you put on a pedestal, the one you're with...and the one that got away.
Who is the one that got away? I guess it's that person with who everything was great, everything was perfect, but the timing was just wrong. There was no fault in the person, there was no flaw in the chemistry, but the cards just didn't fall the right way, I suppose. I believe in the fact that ending up with someone, finding a longtime partner that is, does not lie merely in the other person. I can actually argue that an equal part, or maybe even the greater part, has to do with the matter of timing. It has to do with you being ready to settle down and commit to someone in a way that goes beyond the little niceties of giddy romance. How often have you gone through it without even realizing it? When you're not ready to commit in that mature manner, it doesn't matter who you're with, it just doesn't work. Small problems become big; inconsequentials become dealbreakers simply because you're not ready and it shows. It's not that you and the person you're with are no good; it's just that it's not yet right, and little things become the flashpoint of that fact. Then one day you're ready. You really are. And when this happens you'll be ready to settle down with someone. He or she may not be the most perfect, they might not be the brightest star of romance to ever have burned in your life, but it'll work because you're ready. It'll work because it's the right time and you'll make it work. And it'll make sense, it really will. So that day comes when you're finally making sense of things, and you find yourself to be a different person. Things are different, your approach is different, you finally understand who you are and what you want, and you've become ready because the time has truly arrived. And mind you, there's no telling when this day will come. Hopefully you're single but you could be in a long-term relationship, you could be married with three kids, it doesn't matter. All you know is that you've changed, and for some reason, the one that got away, is the first person you think about. You'll think about them because you'll wonder, "What if they were here today?" You'll wonder, "What if we were together now, with me as I am and not as I was?" That's what the one that got away is. The biggest "What if?" you'll have in your life. If you're married, you'll just have to accept the fact that the one that got away, got away. Believe me, no matter how fairy tale you think your marriage is, this can happen to the best of us. But hopefully you're mature enough to realize that you're already with the one you're with and this is just another test of your commitment, one which will just strengthen your marriage when you get past it. Sure, you'll think about him/her every so often, but it's alright. It's never nice to live with a "might have been," but it happens. Maybe the one that got away is the one who's already married. In which case it's the same thing. You just have to accept and know that your memories of that person will probably bring a nice little smile to your lips in the future when you're old and gray and reminiscing. But if neither of that is the case, then it's different. What do you do if it's not yet too late? Simple...find him, find her. Because the very existence of a "one that got away" means that you'll always wonder, what if you got that one? Ask him out to coffee, ask her out to a movie, it doesn't matter if you've dropped in from out of nowhere. You'd be surprised, you just might be "the one that got away" as well for the person who is your "the one that got away." You might drop in from out of nowhere and it won't make a difference. If the timing is finally right, it'll all just fall into place somehow and you know, I'm thinking, it would be a great feeling, in the end, to be able to say to someone, "Hey you, you're the one that almost got away." *Mark J. Macapagal, The Manila Times |
LifestyleArticles that aim to help you with day-to-day problems. About the AuthorA psychologist who is always mistaken to be a psychic. Archives
October 2015
Categories
All
|