With hundreds of self-help books published and research conducted on happiness, it is undeniably one common life goal for us human beings. While there are several means and ways to be happy, those considered as sustainable are the ones that take into account one's well-being as well as that of others. Here are three things that lead to sustainable happiness. 1) Close, supportive relationships No man is an island. People in general have a deep need to belong, which is satisfied by close, supportive relationships. Those supported by intimate friendships or committed relationships are much more likely to declare themselves very happy. You need to go out and make an effort to meet with friends and family and see people. 2) Positive thinking habits and mindfulness Optimism, self-esteem, perceived control, and extraversion also mark happy experiences and happy lives. This means valuing yourself and keeping the mindset that you have control over the events the happen in your life than simply relying on fate and serendipity. Practicing gratitude and appreciation leads to positive emotions and better well-being. Develop the habit of feeding your senses and savouring good things right at the moment - may it be the taste of a fresh fruit or chocolate cake you are eating, that beautiful view of the sunset, the laughter of friends or family in the middle of dinner, the smell of your morning coffee, or the warmth of your parents' hug. 3) Flow No, this is not a girl's monthly visit. A term coined by Psychologist Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi who is an expert on happiness and creativity, it is the optimal state when we lose consciousness of self and time while being absorbed in an activity. Research has proven that work and leisure experiences that engage one’s skills mark happy lives. Between burnout or the anxiety of being overwhelmed and stressed and boredom which is the apathy of being underwhelmed and bored lies a zone wherein people experience flow. A challenging yet attractive task is more satisfying than an easy but uninteresting job. Studies show that people report greatest enjoyment not when mindlessly passive but when unself-consciously absorbed in a mindful challenge. In fact, the less expensive (and generally more involving) a leisure activity, the happier people are while doing it. More people reported happier talking to friends than watching TV. Low-consumption recreations prove more satisfying. Choose activities that do not cost a fortune but keeps you engaged. So, that’s good news. Those things that make for a genuinely good life - close relationships and social networks, positive thinking habits, engaging activity – are enduringly sustainable. The best things in life are free.
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Stress is inevitable and most of us have to deal with on a daily basis. From those long queues to ride the MRT, unexpected floods, heavy traffic in EDSA, being cheated on by a partner, tight work deadlines, or even, not being able to find a job or a significant other - the list just goes on and on. While some of these are real stressors, others depend on how we perceive it. Our bodies get alerted for stress when we believe that a circumstance as threatening to our well-being, which makes stress a state of mind. We get stressed when we interpret something as harmful to us and when we think that we do not have the capability to deal with it. While traffic in Metro Manila is arduous, the negativity in terms of your love life may be a matter of perception. Stress isn't always bad: we actually need an optimum amount of it to function well. Many students are aware that experiencing a little anxiety or stress is helpful to them because it motivates them to study. Without eustress, we may not study hard or not at all, ending up failing a quiz or even the course. It is this kind of stress that gives us that little push that we need to accomplish a boring task, or in other instances, to save ourselves in life-threatening situations (e.g., even wonder how some people suddenly can carry a whole bed or refrigerator while escaping from fire?). A certain level of stress, or arousal, is necessary to be content in life and be of good health and well-being. On the other hand, there's this unpleasant stress (distress) that we should learn to manage, either through problem-focused coping or emotion-focused coping. Problem-focused coping deals with stress by eliminating its source and targeting to solve the problem: the absolute way to combat stress. If one is stressed because of relationship worries, he or she will certainly feel better once these issues are proactively resolved. In some cases, the only way to remove the problem is to end it with a break-up. When a flying cockroach "attacks" you, a way to deal with it is to grab a slipper or spray and kill it. Unfortunately, we cannot win every battle and solve each difficulty, such as the death of a loved one, a terminal illness diagnosis, an unexpected natural catastrophe or other things beyond our control. This is when we resort to emotion-focused coping, wherein we reduce our negative emotional responses to stress, such as anger, anxiety, depression, or frustration. With the cockroach example, perhaps you really cannot kill it, but another way to deal with it is to keep calm and control yourself from screaming and crying as it approaches you. It is important to find constructive ways to control our emotions. Some positive ways include meditation, mindfulness, emotional disclosure and journaling. Talk to a friend (note: sometimes what you need is someone who will listen to you but not necessarily give an advice) or a psychologist, start writing a journal, and reflect on why certain things put you on stress and how you handle them. Distraction can be good or bad to keep your mind away from the stressor - of course depending on the type of diversion you choose. Avoid destructive coping mechanisms such as binge eating of your comfort food, excessive drinking of alcohol, using drugs or chain smoking. While one of these may be your favorite recourse, it puts your body in greater stress which just worsens the situation. An emotion-focused coping style that Filipinos tend to use is praying for guidance and strength, such as during natural calamities. Another popular coping mechanism of Filipinos is the use of humor. Stress is a state of mind and we can change our thinking styles to lessen the stress that we experience in our lives. People who make an effort to be more optimistic instead of seeing things as problems are less stressed. A person who sees unfavorable events that happen in his life as a challenge rather than a threat is at a better condition to address it head on. Below are some videos on stress that I find very informative and useful. The TED Talk discusses how the way we think of stress affects our body's reaction to stress. The second one suggests specific thinking styles that we can adapt when we are stressed. 90:10 The Single Most Important Thing You Can Do For Your Stress This video outlines specific ways how we can change out thinking styles when dealing with stressors and how that leads to experiencing less stress. |
LifestyleArticles that aim to help you with day-to-day problems. About the AuthorA psychologist who is always mistaken to be a psychic. Archives
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